puerto rico!!

Life Ponderings

 Life Ponderings

It has never made sense to me how there could be so many different types of people and clashing personalities.
For instance, you have the people that would die to protect their loved ones; and the people who would kill their loved ones (figuratively) for the sake of their own selfishness.
Why would God, or whatever God-like supernatural creature, put so many different types of people together in one world? I know that the world is not a utopia, and that utopian societies do not work, but why would someone create the most selfish of people? What is the point in this creation?
Is it for shits and giggles? Is this God-like creature a masochist? Because the only conclusion I can come to is that He or She must get off on other people’s humiliation, anxiety, and sadness.
Or maybe It doesn’t even exist. Maybe I’m looking at this in the completely wrong way; perhaps someone evil and cold as ice created this planet. This possibility is cynical and probably not likely the case, but I just don’t see how someone angelic and peace-like could create a world like this.

Whoever said that bad people and negative experiences are supposed to make us stronger was full of
shit; burning, smelly, rotten shit.
That same person probably said the cliché, “people come in and out of your life for a reason” as that is the same burning, smelly, rotten positive thinking.
“It’s to teach us life lessons” someone once said to me. What kind of life lessons comes out of someone fucking you over again and again only harder and longer? What kind of life lessons are learned from someone ripping and tearing your heart out and then stomping all over it until it disintegrates into the burning earth?
All that I’ve learned is that I’m better than these people and I don’t deserve rotten shit like that in my life. But honestly, all this pain and heartache in having to attempt to heal from said rotten shit isn’t worth this tiny lesson learned. I didn’t need to go through this process to learn that I am better than these selfish people.
I don’t believe in regrets, but I do wish I could make these selfish people wake up.
They need a gigantic, blaring alarm clock to scream, “Hey, get the hell out of your perfectly selfish world. Other people matter than just you.”
The funny thing is, all of these said Bullshitters are living in their plastic bubble of a world, but one day one of us Realists will pop that bubble, stand up for ourselves, and there will be hell to pay.

I’ve had many dreams about you the last few weeks; dreams where we are face-to-face, eyes burning deep into each other.
And then I wake up almost immediately, every single time.
My heart is pounding out of my chest and fluttering a mile per minute.
The hardest part is that I never remember if we speak to each other or just simply keep walking.

Then reality finally sets in and we are face-to-face.
My heart drops to the floor as soon as I see you sitting at the little table in the corner.
At first I am unsure as to whether or not it is you, but then I realize it has to be you and that it isn’t my paranoia kicking in; this is real and not one of those dreams.
Each beat is pounding louder and louder in my eardrum and I don’t know what to do to get it to quiet down.
Do I walk up to you and nonchalantly say “hey, how are you?” Or do I walk up to you and ask “what the hell happened? Why did you toss me aside like a pair of dirty old jeans?”
No, I cannot do that in fear that I will slap you, become voiceless, or just start sobbing, and look like a crazy fool in doing any of the three.  
I refuse to be the one to approach you as I am cursed with the stubbornness gene and also am sick of being the bigger person. I’ve played that part many times with you(and others) in our seventeen year friendship, and am through with that; it is your turn but….
You ignore me like I’m a piece of garbage on the side of the road; you are better than me.
Your aura has changed; you are now just like any of those other bitches we’d make fun of.
We’d say, “Oh man, look at that one! She has the biggest stick up her ass.” and then giggle for ten minutes straight and continue to complain about the assholes of the world; we shared the same realistic idea of general human population and that is why we were a perfect fit.
This time, that stick-up-her-ass girl was you, and that alone killed me.
The fact that you had transformed into this ripped my heart out more than the fact that you cut me out of your life a year ago.
The fact that I would never speak to you again erected in my mind at this instant, but that wasn’t what crushed me the most.
What crushed me the most was the fact that you had changed and that I didn’t know you anymore; you were a complete stranger in a crowded bar.

If I’ve learned anything in these twenty-three years of existence, it’s that people are constantly changing and change is not necessarily a negative thing.
A few years ago, I would tell you(not you) that all change is bad and that I hate any type of change, but now I have a different view on this matter.
Perhaps this is just another one of those things where you and I just grew apart into two completely different adults.
That would be fine with me, except for the fact that one day you just decided to stop returning my calls.
You cut me loose as if I were a tag on your latest pair of grey chucks.
At least that’s how I see it, but maybe you have a different viewpoint on this issue and maybe that’s why you didn’t approach me in that crowded place.
I will never know, and the unknown kills me.
The unknown definitely makes it hard for one to move on and accept things, but I am now making an effort to heal this wounded heart.
If this night told me anything at all, it’s that you’ve obviously moved on from this friendship so I guess it is my turn to make more of an effort and finally accept my life the way it has turned out without you in it.
 As of now, all I can think of is the most trivial parts right now; one being that I will now have two crucial people missing from my wedding when that time comes: you and my dad.
But it’s time to officially mend this broken heart and move on from your selfish ways; I accept that you have changed and perhaps maybe I’m not that weak, apologetic person I was two years ago.

You live and you learn, and it’s time for me to stop living in the past.
I’m going to rid myself of those dreams I have where we patch our friendship up and reunite stronger than ever.
That is simply not an option anymore, even if you were to realize you did me wrong (which you won’t)
and I must come to terms with that.

So here’s to fresh starts and mending hearts.
B&W sophie

baked ziti recipe

8 oz. Ziti Pasta, uncooked (or penne or whatever you have in your house) :-p I used whole wheat
1 1/3 Cups Fat Free Cottage Cheese
1 Egg White
1 teaspoon Dried Basil
1 Tablespoon Dried Parsley
1/4 Cup Reduced Fat Parmesan Style Grated Topping
1 (26 oz.) Can Hunt's Four Cheese Spaghetti Sauce
1 Cup Fat Free Shredded Mozzarella Cheese

Cook the Ziti according to the package directions. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Stir 1/2 of the sauce into the noodles.
Spoon 1/2 of the noodles into an 8X8 inch pan that has been sprayed with non-stick cooking spray. In a small bowl, combine the egg white, cottage cheese, basil, parsley and 1 Tablespoon of Parmesan Cheese. Spoon the cheese mixture evenly over the noodles. Top with the remaining noodles and pour the rest of the sauce on top. Sprinkle with remaining Parmesan Cheese. Bake uncovered for 30-35 minutes or until bubbly. Add mozzarella cheese and continue baking for an additional 5 minutes or until the cheese is melted. Allow to sit 5 minutes before serving.

Serves: 6 at 6 points per serving.
the girls

Recipe

What you need:
-Hot Italian Turkey Sausage(3 links, approx. 12 oz.)
-2 cups of dry penne pasta
-black pepper
-16 oz. frozen onion and frozen peppers
-14.5 oz can of diced tomatoes w/ garlic, basil and oregano seasoning
-Parmesan cheese, if desired

What to do:
-lightly coat a pan w/ cooking spray & heat over medium heat
-cook "sausage" until brown, meanwhile boil a pot of water for pasta
-toss pasta in when sausage is brown and cooked
-in the sausage pan, add onion/pepper mixture and cook for approx.3 minutes or until hot
-add can of diced tomatoes and black pepper and turn heat up until it simmers
-drain cooked pasta and add to pan to mix around with sausage mixture
1 1/3 C. = a serving as 6 points and it makes 6 servings total.

tasty, filling and super easy!

without the pasta added

w/ the pasta added!

the girls

W.I. 3/3/09

Down 2.6 from the last 2 weeks! I didn't W.I. last week since I was sick w/ the cold/flu/virus thing. Not too bad. :) Finally back on the right track...consistently...

Tonight is going to be difficult. An old friend(from 2nd grade!) and I are going out to eat to Outback Steakhouse! I am going to get grilled BBQ chicken, w/ either green beans or a PLAIN baked potato, and a side salad......Either I will bring my own dressing(tacky..) or ask for honey mustard on the side.....I LOVE their honey mustard....But I am sure its terrible. And on top of that, the side salad comes w/ cheese and homemade croutons---Oh soooo goooooood!!! I cannot pass it up. Outback is worth going for the salad ALONE! No joke.... So We'll see. I'm thinking I didn't use any of my 35 this week, so I wont track the meal. Plus I just weighed in this morning, so I have a whole week ahead of me starting tomorrow. yayyyyy

 

This spring break of mine is going by toooo fast.... not enough time to get all this homework done. ahhhhh


the girls

tired

well this has been a pretty bad few weeks. the last 2 weeks i was sorta-kind on plan(weekdays) and on weekend totally off plan. Then this last weekend I became really sick w. a flu or cold or something so my eating habbits were very off. i lived off chicken noodle soup(extra noodles) and orange juice. so now today my eating habits are normal-been tracking all day.

My spring break officially started 2day. Hopefully weigh in will go OK on tues. Last time I hopped on my scale(when I was sick) my scale said I was the same as I was a couple weeks ago which is surprisingly good....but we will see now that I prolly screwed up my metabolism by being sick and now eating normally again.

2 new products I am hooked on and then I am peacin out:

 




 

double yum.
  • Current Mood
    tired tired
the girls

Product Review

Forgot to post my product review from my last post. Those TLC bars are disgusting. I don't even know if I can waste 2 points on them to eat the box.... Ugh, so if anybody is interested in them, they can be your's. ick.I also tried the coconut dark chocolate TLC bars, disgusting. even worse than the pumpkin one. blehhhhhhhhhhhh.

 


Also that lean cuisine was DELISH! That will definitely become a staple from week to week. very, very tasty. The sauce wasn't that bad either, and since i'm Italian, i am SUPER picky with my marinara and very rarely like anything other than my homemade :-P



me in aruba

fingers crossed

well, i went a little off plan last night. I don't mean like off roading-off plan, I just mean I didn't really track for some snacks. Plus, I coulda made some smarter choices/portion sizes last night but it was Vday and I honestly was just lazy... I think I still have a handful of the 35 left, so I should be good, but I got on the scale this morning and it has said I'm the same as last tuesday's w.i..... I know I still have until Tuesday to bring it down, and I'm hoping its from the salty dinner last night, but still. Kinda annoying...I have to see progress to feel positive about weight watchers and when I don't, I get toooo discouraged.

 

I really gotta be hardcore on plan from here until April/May because of all the things coming up this spring! Not only do I Have my friend from school's wedding to attend in the end of May, but NOW I have a ceremony to go to April 16th! I sent in a couple academic essays to a contest to get them published in our school magazine & I placed 2nd place for one of them and 3rd place for the other---so on April 16th I gotta get semi-dressed up and go to this ceremony for the winners and accept an award! Very exciting but terrifying!:-P I felt so good this week & now I'm starting to feel "blah"ish because of that scale this morning. I know I shouldn't but whatevs
 

 

Spring break is also coming up soon! The first week of March---I am super nervous about this. I'm not going anywhere for vaca, but I also didn't go anywhere for winter vacation and I ate like shit since I was bored constantly. I tihnk the way I am going to go about doing this, is by asking my cooperating teacher if I can observe like 3 days a week that week-all day- so then I'll be in her classroom busy, instead of at home, putting off homework,. and thinkinga bout food constantly.

Alright, I'm gonna go relax-terrible headache and terribly congested-blah. Hope everyone's weeks are going well!!!




  • Current Mood
    blah blah
cruise, sunset

new products! and W.I. 2/10/09


 

This is the kind I bought-they also have DARK CHOCOLATE COCONUT & RASPBERRY CHOCOLATE. 2 pts.

Haven't tried em yet-will be my breakfast tomorrow : ) or snack 2nite during night class!

Also, I don't have the name of the product on me but its by MICHELINA'S LEAN GOURMET--- They are ham and cheese filled rolls of dough...SO good...They were surprisingly filling. 4 of them = 5 pts.

LEAN CUISINE VEGETABLE EGG ROLLS.... YUM. 6 pts. filling. worth it.

Another product haven't tried but bought today..
sounds tasty.


W.I. THIS WEEK........ -1.2 ! yay. VERY excited that I am staying consistent. And I wasn't even a perfect WW this week. Sunday I was a little lazy with teh tracking so thank God I still lost.

the end.
back to reading Macbeth......yahoo...?

 

puerto rico!!

ted's montana grill

Well, last night Mike & I tried BISON BURGERS from Ted's Montana Grill (www.tedsmontanagrill.com)---um YUM!!! I was slightly apprehensive cuz I thought it might taste too gamey but it was yummmmyy. I will definitely be going back. And it was pretty low in pts too ...Still had to dive in to the 35 extras a bit but it was well worth it!!

Thats all. Just thought I'd share : )

B&W sophie

FORGOT, new product find

I forgot to post this in my entry 2 seconds ago but I found a new snack love.

 

Quaker RANCH snacks. mmmm. taste like cool ranch doritos. Only 1 pt. for every 10!!! SOOOOO good. I'm not usually a fan of rice cakes either, but these ranch ones are sooooo good.

ok goodbye for real this time!!